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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29906589">Counterfeit Companion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDefenderoftheFaith/pseuds/TheDefenderoftheFaith'>TheDefenderoftheFaith</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Green Lantern (Comics), The Flash (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, Emotional Abuse, Gen, I'm serious Hal's lost his marbles here, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicide Idealization, Tragedy, hardcore insanity, hurt debatable comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:15:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,737</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29906589</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDefenderoftheFaith/pseuds/TheDefenderoftheFaith</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hal has been betrayed. As Parallax he has done his best to fix the world, and everyone he knows has turned on him for it. Everyone but one. Everyone but Barry. But Barry is dead. That isn't really a problem for him, though, is it? In which Hal deals with his mental health by attaching himself to a construct of his dead best friend.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Allen &amp; Hal Jordan, more technically parallax Hal Jordan and construct Barry Allen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>
  <strong>This is as good a time as any to point out that this will deal with some serious mental issues. So if you are likely to be triggered by general insanity, abuse, self harm or suicide idealization, then probably just… don’t read. </strong>
</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>A lot of things weren’t fair. The Guardians weren’t. It wasn’t fair that after all he’d done; all he’d given: his loyalty, his life, his sweat and blood, that he wouldn’t be allowed that one small thing for himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Coast City. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t fair that no one understood. It wasn’t fair that his friends had turned against him. Superman, Batman… even Green Arrow. Even Ollie. It wasn’t fair that he tried to make things right and his friends looked at him like he was a monster. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He had made mistakes. Who hadn’t? Even Ollie, Ollie who had been his brother, Ollie who had promised to </span>
  <em>
    <span>be there</span>
  </em>
  <span> for him, Ollie who had </span>
  <em>
    <span>killed a man </span>
  </em>
  <span>before… even Ollie couldn’t look past Hal’s mistakes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was sorry. He hadn’t meant to kill the Lanterns… or he had, but he’d been wrong. He was sorry. Why couldn’t they just trust him again? What happened to second chances? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But for all that things weren’t fair, Hal had never really expected them to be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t fair that his father was dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That his brother hated him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That his mother couldn’t look him in the eye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knew what life was, and it had never been fair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’d always done his best despite that. Always fought, always struggled to help, to make things the way they were supposed to be… that couldn’t change now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he’d never been so alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone had turned against him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Everyone he loved, everyone he’d fought beside; none of them were willing to consider him an ally, much less a friend. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was no one… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The thought came again. Pervasive. Scarlet cloth and a gentle smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Late night talks and a warm place to crash when he had no where else to go. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A cold statue in a hollow museum because the broken universe had taken Barry Allen from him too.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry, Hal knew, would have believed in him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Of course, he would’ve thought Ollie would’ve believed in him too, but he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span>
  </em>
  <span> about Barry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry always saw the best in everyone. Barry was loyal, and hopeful; would probably have made a wonderful Blue Lantern, Hal had always thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry had promised to be there for Hal too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But where his relationship with Ollie had always been nearly as tumultuous as his relationship with Carol, Hal could never remember truly falling out with Barry. Where Ollie had mostly been there for wild adventure, for grand quests and dramatic conquest, Barry had provided the only stability Hal had ever really experienced.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Consistent and calm, his door had always been open whenever Hal needed it: he was the only person Hal could rely on for a level head, and warm comfort regardless of what was happening. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Barry was dead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Hal was </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> lonely. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes it felt like he was alone in the universe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes it felt like he wasn’t alone inside his own head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried to reach out, so many times; tried to explain, to draw people in, to reach himself out, but no one would ever, </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>let him near. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But Barry would’ve. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry would’ve taken his hand and sat them down and made tea, and listened and… maybe not agreed… somehow, Hal can’t make himself envision conservative Barry agreeing to his plan. But Barry would care for him anyway. He’d try to talk him out of his plan, but no matter what, he’d </span>
  <em>
    <span>be</span>
  </em>
  <span> there, he </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>and Hal wouldn’t be so alone anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, being alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Space had been alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hours and hours and days and weeks of nothing and silence and cold. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he could always come back to Barry, his mind whispered wistfully.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Power simmered under his skin, reaching out tentatively before being reigned back, before resurfacing, again and again and again, like waves on a shore, breaking against the crumbling willpower of Hal’s disintegrating inhibitions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t. He didn’t want to desecrate… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he’d been willing to do it for Coast City. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he was so lonely.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s concerned eyes peered up at Hal, crinkling at the edges as he moved forward. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He didn’t look the same in green, Hal thought, almost deliriously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry opened up his mouth to say something, but Hal cut him off with a nonverbal choking noise, raising a hand plaintively. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry stepped forward again, wrapping his arms around Hal, face moving to tuck between his neck and his shoulder pads, and Hal crumpled to his knees, his own willpower holding him together. A counterfeit companion, a trick, but it was enough for now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s hand reached up to cup the back of his head, and it felt so </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Hal almost threw up, dropping the shimmering illusion with a twist in the pit of his stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the loneliness wasn’t so bad anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And he shuddered.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The yearning was an almost irrepressible urge now. He had to see someone, had to make them </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But no one was here.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But that wasn’t really a problem for </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>, now was it?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If anyone would understand him, Barry would. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Taking a deep shuddering breath, Hal’s will broke, and Barry smiled in relief, glad to see him again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m doing it, Barry.” Hal choked out, voice broken as he clutched Barry’s forearms, Barry’s fingers wrapping around his in return. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s head tilted, and he stared at Hal quizzically. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m fixing everything. I’ll… it’ll be so good.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How are you going to do that, Hal?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal leaned forward, anxious; desperate for someone to </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll fix it all at once. I’ll rewrite things so nothing bad ever happened! Everything bad I’ve done will be gone, then, and everything will be good. I’ll fix </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Barry, for everyone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s face twists: he doesn’t understand. The green of his skin turns Hal’s stomach.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hal, you can’t do that. We have to live with what happened; it isn’t right to play God with the universe.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But we do that every day we use our powers! We change what’s supposed to happen: we change fate, we change time, we just don’t go far enough! Barry, I can do it, I can, I can make everything </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> again!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But Hal, don’t you see that if you try to do this then nothing will be right? You can’t just force things to be how you want them. You have to let people make decisions, you have to let those decisions have consequences. Anything else will backfire on you. It isn’t right to force anything else on people. It just isn’t.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s fingers smooth over Hal’s forearms, and his imploring gaze is so </span>
  <em>
    <span>Barry</span>
  </em>
  <span> that Hal can hardly stand the chasm between them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But don’t you </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span>?? I’ll fix everything! I’ll give you Iris back! Iris will be alive! And… and Wally can live with you, and you’ll be a real family. And… and Iris will have twins! You’ll be a father Barry; a real father, just like you always wanted! And… we can have cookouts, and talk, and everything will be like it was when it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>best</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but that can be all the time!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry, Iris raised your kids without you! You never even knew you were a father before you were m-murdered. P-please, you have to want this!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s right hand releases Hal’s arm. Numb, Hal lets it go. Barry’s hand comes up to cup his face and Hal leans into it, eyes stinging and watering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Hal.” Barry whispers, and Hal crumples forward until he’s curled around Barry, still grabbing his other arm, stomach still tossing and he squeezes them together so tightly it would hurt Barry if he were capable of feeling pain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Feeling sicker of himself than he had since he realized what he’d done to his brothers in the Corps, Hal let Barry disintegrate into whisps of emerald light.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hal is curled against cool metal, its unforgiving ridges pressing unmolding into his back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The emptiness is tangible now. The peripherals of his vision aging into shades of yellow that reach outward with corrupting lemon tendrils. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The cold inside his chest seems to consume him while sheathing his heart in solid ice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hurts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hurts to be alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry presses his body into Hal’s side. It’s sickening to see the shamrock glow beside him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal closes his eyes. And everything is real. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry tugs him close, although he doesn’t relax from his fetal position. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry runs fingers through his hair and presses him flush against his body, Hal tucking into where he thinks his friend’s neck is. Barry rubs a hand over his back, and he squirms a little, maneuvering his shoulder pads into position. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t know how long they sit there, Barry’s warmth seeping into his very bones, the yellow fading behind his closed eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hal, you have to give this up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal scrunches his eyes closed and shoves his face into Barry’s collarbone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hal; it isn’t right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry draws another breath, still running reassuring hands over Hal’s neck, but clearly gearing up for a talk.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said shut up. You have to. I made you. You do what I say.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hal, you know what you have to do-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! I said stop it!” Hal fumbled blindly up to shake Barry’s shoulders. “You have to!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know I’d never-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal hacked out a sob, and pitched forward through the mists of Barry, forearms hitting the ground with a thudding clank. Stupid Barry. Stupid, stupid Barry, not leaving him alone. Why wouldn’t he just be quiet?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why couldn’t he just be quiet?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It’s not so terrible, right now. Sitting in the abandoned space station, looking at the stars. He’s alone, and it’s lonely, but it’s been worse. More terrible.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the thought of companionship is a siren song; the memory of gentle comfort enticing as any lure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He closes his eyes before Barry comes to settle in behind him, tugging his body flush against the solid strength of the gentle speedster. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He allows his head to lean back against Barry’s shoulder, and Barry rubs his hands over Hal’s arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sighing, Hal allows the armor of Parallax to fall away, leaving him in a soft cotton T-shirt and shorts, and Barry’s fingers start to knead his arms. Tears sting his eyes, but his lids stay closed, and none fall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry starts vibrating, a comforting buzz, and Hal feels himself melt helplessly against his friend.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s hand reaches up to smooth over Hal’s forehead, pushing his hair out of his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hal, you have to let it go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t, Barry.” His voice is an emotionless statement, unruffled against Barry’s entreaties.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please. You’re just hurting yourself. You don’t need to do this. It won’t help.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Barry, I have to. I believe in it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry shifts Hal against his chest and Hal presses himself closer, a feeling of resigned calm settling into his bones. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hal, you don’t need to fix anything. This won’t make anything better. Please give it up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… okay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll stop? Really?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes. Of course, Barry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal reaches up, grabbing Barry’s upper arm, and curling his head under Barry’s chin. “Anything for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Pleased, Barry hums, stroking the side of Hal’s face, vibrations still comforting as he lulls Hal’s defenses away in his arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal’s eyes start to flutter open, but snap shut at the first hint of emerald glow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tensing again, Hal shoves himself back into Barry, eyes squeezed shut against the unmerciful candor of vision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s vibrating fingers reach up to smooth over his shoulders, protected only by the flimsy cotton shirt. The firm strength of them press in, massaging his shoulders until he melts again, slumping into Barry’s solid presence, numbness creeping into his mind until oblivion steals him away. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The universe is broken. Unfair. It shouldn’t be the way that it is. It shouldn’t hurt him the way it has. Even the people who were </span>
  <em>
    <span>supposed</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be his friends abandoned him! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It makes his blood boil. It makes yellow tinge his whole frame of vision. It makes him want to kill something. It makes him want to rewrite the universe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The memories are worse, though. His brothers and sisters of the Corps, dying at his hand. Kilowog, believing in him until the very end. Had he had time to see the final blow coming? Somehow, Hal had become obsessed with wondering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They tried to stop him. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserved</span>
  </em>
  <span> to die. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>deserved</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, for not understanding how horrible the Guardians were; for trying to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop </span>
  </em>
  <span>him! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he didn’t want to kill them. They were… family. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He shouldn’t have killed them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he had to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he couldn’t have?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yellow stains every object in sight now, and Hal shudders, grasping himself by the shoulders and hunching over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t fair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What</span>
  </em>
  <span> wasn’t fair was uncertain. Nothing was certain. But… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Desperately, Hal whirled, finding Barry standing in front of him. Hal pitched forward, grabbing Barry by the shoulders and averting his gaze to the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Barry. Do you forgive me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hands wrapped around his wrists, comforting. “Of course I do, Hal.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m a good person, aren’t I? I’m a hero. I want to be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course you’re a hero, Hal. You’re my best friend; you always have been and you always will be. You’re the greatest Green Lantern anyone’s ever seen.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal nodded, somehow unable to get quite enough air into his lungs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not a monster.” In a momentary lapse of memory, Hal glanced at Barry to see his reply, flinching at the lime green of Barry’s eyes, but desperate enough to search those green depths for an answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course not! Hal, you’re a hero. You could never be a monster.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal nodded, squeezing Barry’s shoulders again, and dropping his head against the man’s shoulder. “That’s right. That has to be right. I’d never… I’m a hero.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal glanced upward for confirmation, as Barry soothed him again. “Of course. You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> hero.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even… you’ll even say that if I… win?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry smiled. “Of course, Hal. I might disagree with you, but you’ll always be a hero. That’s who you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s who I am,” Hal echoed. “If I’m not a hero I’m… I’m nothing. I’m a hero. I’m doing the right thing. I did… I’m a hero. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be. Barry, I did awful things…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t dwell on it, Hal. It won’t do any good. Just do your best.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Right. Don’t dwell… don’t think about it. My best.” Hal squeezed his eyes shut and grasped Barry, pulling him into a tight hug. “Barry, I need you so much.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m always here for you Hal. No matter what. I’ll always be here for you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Even if…” Hal pushed something out of mind that he didn’t want to remember. “Even if you have to go away?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal felt Barry rub his thumb over his shoulder blade. “I’ll always come back.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal smiled, and relaxed into Barry’s hold. “Thank you.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hal was tired. Sleepy. The kind of tired where he stayed half awake for an indeterminable amount of time, curled in his abandoned space station that almost functioned as a home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kind of tired that separated him from reason, his body responding solely to his half-logiced emotions and urges. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kind of tired that dulled his senses, and kept him from considering consequences; kept him from considering anything other than how good it would feel for Barry to appear and take care of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kind of tired that did nothing but let the armor of Parallax fade away when Barry tugged him from his prone position into his lap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal groaned contentedly as Barry propped his head against his knee, leaving him open for long stretches of stroking along his neck and down his arm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal felt tears sting his eyes, felt logic make a half-formed attempt to remind him of… something, but he didn’t want to remember. He closed his eyes and kept the tears and thoughts at bay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Limp in Barry’s hands Hal could only sigh as Barry moved to massage his hand, slowly moving up to his arm and shoulders, pressing the tension from his muscles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, Hal,” Barry murmured. “I’ve got you. You don’t have to worry about anything anymore. I’m here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re here,” Hal agreed, whispered, closing his eyes against glowing green logic. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take care of everything.” Barry smoothed a hand over the back of Hal’s neck, cupping it solidly, controlling him, and Hal happily existed inside his grip</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got you, kiddo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal’s eyes fluttered closed, caught between his father showing him the shining planes and Barry helping him pay rent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry cupped Hal’s unresisting head and tugged him up until he rested against Barry’s chest, prone as Barry thumbed over his arm and rubbed circles against his back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal, half conscious, made a noise that could be best described as a whine, but did not move, allowing Barry to position him like a rag doll, denying him the freedom (the burden) of choice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal isn’t old enough to make these decisions for himself. Isn’t responsible enough. He needs to be guided, controlled; he knows that. He’s never been as happy as when his father was there for him. When the Corps dictated what he could and couldn’t do. When he didn’t have rules… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal shuddered, drowning in memories of chaos, of aimless wandering, of terrible loneliness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was so grateful to have Barry here to take care of him, taking care of… taxes, and parking tickets, and insurance, and whatever functioning adults were supposed to do.  Petting and consoling, supporting him because he just </span>
  <em>
    <span>couldn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal made another desperate noise, which Barry giggled at and hummed encouragingly, smoothing over his forehead with the flat of his palm, rubbing entrancing circles against his skull...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A flicker of a memory of blood and screaming fights for dominance, and Hal sinks further into Barry’s controlling, consoling grasp. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He is beyond words, now, but he has the vague impression that if he wakes up, if he surrenders himself to reality, he will be devoured by something too horrible to consider. Something in him screams, horrified by his cowardice, by the depths he is sinking to to run from the metastasizing yellow sinking into his brain, but the stronger part of him is scared. Scared of the yellow, scared of being alone, scared of the vague </span>
  <em>
    <span>somethings</span>
  </em>
  <span> he will do if he wakes up (will he really rewrite the </span>
  <em>
    <span>universe</span>
  </em>
  <span>?) and can do nothing but take refuge in the haven he has created for himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Something inside him screams, but he doesn’t listen. Doesn’t burrow into Barry, doesn’t move, doesn’t do anything that even </span>
  <em>
    <span>resembles</span>
  </em>
  <span> taking himself into his own hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Simply whimpers as Barry positions him again, and takes over the burden of existence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As long as Barry is in control, Hal knows, nothing bad can happen.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Some days were good. Some days Hal didn’t feel so terrible about himself, and he was calm, and the yellow wasn’t so strong.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some days were bad. Some days Hal wanted to burn and rage and destroy something or tear himself to pieces.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Some days were terrible, and everything would disappear behind a yellow screen and he would wake to find behind him a path of terrible destruction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Generally speaking, Hal’s life rotated between these days. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Today was different.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal’s head felt clearer, today. Everything felt sharper, in brighter contrast. The buzzing he had come to ignore as part of everyday life had faded from his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He let his head fall back as he hovered in the hole of space, stars wrapping around him like a celestial blanket. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He concentrated, and Barry hovered beside him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Barry.” He murmured, staring up, away from the emerald form.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Hal. It’s good to see you again.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal took a deep breath. And another. His head was clear. He could think.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He straightened, and looked Barry in his lime-green eyes. “But you’re not really here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So… I’m not talking to you. You aren’t Barry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t Coast City, either. You knew that. But I’m real enough.” Barry reached out, and took Hal’s wrist into his warm hand. “I’m real because you need me to be.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not… it isn’t right.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You need me, Hal. You know you do. And I promised to always be there for you, no matter what. If this is the only way I can be here for you, then this is what’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But… you aren’t Barry. You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and I’m falling apart,” Hal choked. “I don’t want… I’m losing it, Barry. I used to be able to keep things clear, I think… or at least I knew what was… what people were… I’m losing it. I don’t want to…”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry reached up to clasp Hal’s upper arms, holding him tight. “You need me, Hal. So I’m here for you. So you won’t be alone. It’s not a bad thing; not being alone. I’d never want you to be alone.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m talking to myself,” Hal whispered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m alive as long as you remember me. You’ve heard that before, right? Well, with you, it’s true.” Barry took Hal’s hand and pressed it against above his heart, beside the swath of the lightning bolt. “I’m here to be here for you, Hal,” Barry murmured.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal trembled as his fingers were caressed by Barry’s gentle hands, helpless to pull away. The looming threat of the vastness of space seemed so cold without someone there to hold him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s eyes bored into Hal’s, gripping him hypnotically, almost yellow in the starlight. “Let me stay.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal tried to pull away. Tried to take back his hand and his independence and his sanity. There was no will behind it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry stroked the back of Hal’s hand, running down to his wrist. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal drooped, defeated, and Barry pulled him closer, even as yellow encroached into the corners of his vision.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He was a monster. A horrid, terrible monster who destroyed everything it touched. An abomination; a horror that didn’t deserve to live. </p><p>The screams of the Green Lanterns echoed in his ears, the flashes of his friends falling before him played before his eyes, the blood of a hundred innocent lives stained his hands. </p><p>Yellow blood. Wasn’t that something.</p><p>Hal gasped, fingers tearing at his face as he trembled with the weight of a thousand sins. He shouldn’t be alive. He was doomed. A corrupted monstrosity doomed to kill and ravage, destined to lose himself to atrocities until he was nothing but a bloodthirsty villain. </p><p>Hal’s fingers scrabbled, finding a blood stained knife.</p><p>It had no owner. Not since Parallax had slaughtered her. It needed a home, and Hal’s heart was so empty they could only be made to match each other.</p><p>Hal trembled, fingers shaking around the knife as his fingers interlocked about it, raising it above him. </p><p>He was losing himself. He was doomed. This was it; he had to escape while he could.</p><p>Hal bore the knife down with all his strength, only to have the hilt caught by an emerald hand. </p><p>“Barry, no.”</p><p>“Hal, you can’t.” And Barry was so concerned and so dead but he couldn’t be dead because then Hal would be alone but he couldn’t be alone.</p><p>“I can, I have to before it’s too late.” Hal’s fingers tremble and he tries, tries so so hard to pull the knife down, but Barry is too strong, and he won’t let him. </p><p>“Hal, no. I love you. You’re my best friend, please.” Barry’s gaze is so imploring and so strong that it smashes through whatever picket fences are masquerading as Hal’s emotional walls, leaving Hal splintered and bleeding.</p><p>“I’m a monster!”</p><p>“You’ve never been a monster.”</p><p>“I’m a murderer! I killed so many people! I killed my brothers and sisters, I killed that woman with this knife, I kill people who cross me… I think, I think sometimes I kill people for no reason I just wake up and I can’t remember it!”</p><p>Barry wrenches the knife away, and throws it aside. “You need help. You need my help. You can’t be alone. Don’t push me away. I want to help you - that’s what best friends are for, right? You’re a good person - you have to believe that. You only do what’s necessary.”</p><p>“Go away,” Hal sobbed. “I’m a murderer. I kill and maim-”</p><p>“You do your best. You can only do your best. You’re a good person. Hal; you’re a hero. You’re trying to save people. You can’t just give up because you can’t save everyone.”</p><p>Hal screamed. Howled in helpless inhuman pain and anger, pounding his fists into Barry’s chest.</p><p>Things got blurry. </p><p>He was fairly sure Barry held him, but he was thrashing so hard he wasn’t sure Barry could’ve managed it. </p><p>He gained some semblance of sanity, hunched over on the dirty ground, forehead pressed against Barry’s chest. His throat was raw from screaming. Barry’s arms were wrapped behind his back.</p><p>“You’re a hero. You’re good, Hal. You’re so good. You’re a good person. The best person. I love you so much. You’re my best friend, you’re only trying to help.”</p><p>Hal’s breathing hitched, his eyes raw and mouth burning with the mix of thick copper blood and thin salt tears.</p><p>Trembling, his hand made its way to Barry’s shoulder and dropped, grasping desperately. </p><p>“I’m good?”</p><p>“So good. So very good Hal. I’m so proud of you.”</p><p>“I… I am?”</p><p>“Of course. And I would know, wouldn’t I? I’m good.”</p><p>Hal nodded, because of course Barry was good. The best of them; always had been.</p><p>“Then if I say that you’re good, then you are.” Barry’s fingers carded through Hal’s hair, stopping at the back of his head to cup him gently, forcing him to look into Barry’s shining lime-green eyes. “You’re perfect. There’s nothing wrong with you. Everyone makes mistakes, but you’re a hero. You’re my hero.”</p><p>“I’m your hero?” Hal’s voice was childlike with confusion. “You’re my hero. You were always my hero.”</p><p>Barry smiled at him softly, and Hal’s eyes widened as he let himself be held together by Barry’s hands and smile. </p><p>“And if you say I’m good then… I have to be, right?”</p><p>“Right,” Barry murmured, thumbing Hal’s hair out of his face, caressing Hal until his eyes slid to half-lidded. “And I’ll tell you every single day. I’ll come and talk to you, and tell you how good you are every day, okay, Hal?”</p><p>Hal nodded enthusiastically, peering up at Barry with unveiled adoration.</p><p>“Every day?”</p><p>Barry’s fingers drifted to tap Hal’s nose playfully. “Every day. So you better be good for me, m’kay.”</p><p>Hal, in a removed sort of way, could feel himself slipping, falling, hurtling down the slope of sanity at a breakneck pace that petrified whatever corner of himself was left to feel horror. </p><p>But Barry gave him companionship. And Barry made him feel not-so-much like a monster. And Barry took care of him. Barry always took care of him.</p><p>He said Hal was hardly a functioning member of society. He said Hal was practically a child. When Hal was a real child his idolized father was dead. When Hal was a real child he was left with no one but the black hole of the collapsed star of his father. But Barry took care of him.</p><p>Until he died. Until he couldn’t take care of anyone. </p><p>And Hal had missed him terribly, missed him for years, missed him every time he was too drunk to fly all the way to his apartment in Coast, missed him every time he realized that he’d forgotten taxes because Barry had always done them for him. </p><p>But the missing had been bearable until everyone else abandoned him. </p><p>And now, here he was. Friendless, hopeless, freezing in the solitary wasteland of his own mind, shattering at the seams, and here was Barry. Barry who always knew what to do, Barry who was always strong and confident. Barry, here to convince him that he didn’t have to be a monster, Barry who could take care of him when Hal was sure he couldn’t take care of himself.</p><p>Barry, who wasn’t real. Barry, who would never have said these things to him. </p><p>Barry petted Hal’s head and cooed that he was such a good hero, such a good person, that Barry would always always be there for him. That he hadn’t really done anything too wrong.</p><p>Hal closed his eyes and let himself fall. </p><p>Opening his eyes gave him headaches anyway. The yellow in Barry’s eyes was far too strong.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hal sat, curled on the abandoned space station’s window seat, staring out into the stars. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Green light illuminated the metal around him, Barry’s reflection superimposed on the glass. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Barry,” Hal whispered. There was hardly any strength behind it, just a weak struggle drowning in yellow and isolation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry sat beside him, and used a single arm to tug Hal against his side. “I’m here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You… I… can I?” It didn’t seem right. Somehow, in a way that Hal didn’t have the words for anymore, something was wrong. With him, with Barry… something. Something he didn’t know if he had the strength to fight.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Can you be alone?” Barry murmured, a hand moving up to stroke the side of Hal’s neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There was no other answer to the question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then I can be here forever.” Barry thumbed Hal’s face, turning him until he was forced to look into Barry’s eyes. Hal flinched, but Barry was unwavering. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can be here forever,” Hal echoed. “You have to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Hal. As real as you are. You saved me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re real?” Hal’s voice breaks and cracks and horror swells within him before being drowned out by the desperate </span>
  <em>
    <span>need</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’m real.” Barry’s hand is firm, keeping Hal’s head firmly faced towards him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know how everyone thought I died. I ran myself to death. Disintegrated, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal nods, jagged hope swelling in his chest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you’ve heard about what Wally discovered, right? The Speed Force. The power source of all speedsters.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yes, Hal has heard the rumors.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, the Speed Force kept me alive. My body died, but my mind lived, and I was able to attach myself to you. I used your ring as a lightning rod, Hal, but it wasn’t strong enough, so I had to absorb myself into the Lantern’s main power battery. When you absorbed it, you absorbed me.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal feels tears cloud his eyes, as Barry’s fingers move to stroke his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Hal. I’m real. So real. I’m living in you, and when you call on me I can really come and be with you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal almost chokes out a ‘really?’, but he doesn’t think he could stand for this to be wrong, so he doesn’t risk asking. Instead, he goes limp in Barry’s hands, tears streaming down his face as Barry shifts him, maneuvers him against his chest, and runs solid warm hands down his head and neck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A-and when I fix everything,” Hal manages, “you’ll come all the way back?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry sighs, and everything seems sharper, realer for a second as he gives Hal a consoling pet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t agree with what you’re doing, Hal. You know me. I can’t ever agree to it.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal sniffles, but if Barry is alive then he isn’t alone. This is enough. This is everything he needs.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Barry? I think I’m getting close. I think… I can do it. But, I can’t do it if you’re… against me. Please, I need you to… to agree. Please.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course I’m with you, Hal. You’re my best friend.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, but I need you </span>
  <em>
    <span>with</span>
  </em>
  <span> me. Please, I’m doing the right thing, you have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> that!” Hal feels like he’s on the verge of hyperventilating with the terror of it, with the fear of </span>
  <em>
    <span>what if Barry doesn’t agree</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he doesn't know what he’ll </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> if Barry isn’t with him, for him, if Barry rejects him like everyone else has betrayed him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If Barry turns him away, thinks it over and decides that Hal is </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span>, then he thinks he might just shatter into a million little pieces and never pull himself off the floor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” Barry smiles at Hal, and it’s so reassuring, Hal almost melts. “Hal, I have faith in you. More than anyone alive. You’re my best friend. You’re the greatest Lantern who ever lived. Much better than that new kid. Hal, it may not be something I would do, but I believe in </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I trust you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And if this is what you truly believe is </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span>… then there’s no one I would trust more to put things the way they’re supposed to be than you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal almost chokes on his laughter, tears stinging his eyes with the exaltation of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You believe in me! I’m right! Barry, if </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> believe in me, then that means more than anything! Batman, Superman and all them… they don’t matter if you believe in me. I’m right. Barry, I’m right! I’m not crazy! I’m not crazy, am I Barry?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And Barry smiles, glowing crocodile green and real and alive and believing full heartedly that Hal is </span>
  <em>
    <span>right</span>
  </em>
  <span> in his plan to rewrite the universe and pulls Hal into an embrace he can’t resist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, you aren’t crazy. You’re the most sane person I know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And it must be a trick of the light, because for a moment Barry’s emerald green almost looks bright yellow.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hal remembered this place. This planet. Velucia. He had been here before, on a long mission. It was a good place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Reaching out, he let the fronds of soft plants brush against his hands, smile spreading as he breathed in the calming air. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was nice here. Soothing. Green. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A glow came from behind him, adding a fluorescent tinge to the natural foliage. Hal felt his heart leap into his throat with the desire to please Barry that dominated him whenever Barry appeared.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hal, you have a mission.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know,” He answered, “but… it’s so nice here. I mean, it’ll save, right? They don’t know we’re coming. We could just…” He gestured around him with a sweep of his hands. “We could stay. For a little.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry folded his arms over his chest in the way that had always made him feel like a selfish, stupid little kid. “Hal. We have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mission</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You need to get over yourself and go to work.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still, Hal hadn’t felt this good in a long time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please,” he begged, “I’ll do it: I promise. It’s just that it feels so good here, and I really feel like-”</span>
  <span></span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Hal gasped, fingers flying to his stinging cheek. Had Barry just slapped him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s eyes narrowed, and Hal shrank, fear and shame welling up in his chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How could you. Hal, you know what you need to do and you want to take a </span>
  <em>
    <span>vacation</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Barry stepped closer, and Hal stumbled back. “You’re a disappointment.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal gasped and gave a short whimper, tripping forward to please Barry again. “No, please! I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m sorry. I’m so tired all the time now - that’s why I wasn’t thinking straight.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal grabbed Barry’s hand and threaded it through his own hair, leaving it possessively on top of his head. “I’m so sorry for being bad. I’ll be good again; promise.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry’s face melted into a smile, and he sighed at Hal’s stupid attempt at mutiny. His other hand rose to cup Hal’s jaw, and the hand in Hal’s hair started to stroke reassuringly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal melted into the touch, determined to prove himself Barry’s good boy once more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Hal, you don’t mean to be bad, do you?” Hal shook his head a little, grateful for Barry’s understanding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t be so hard on you. You can’t help being so thoughtless, but you always do </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Hal nods, pressing deeper into Barry’s hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just that you’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> good boy. Right Hal? You do what </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> say. And I want you to complete your mission. You don’t need to stay here when you have me. I’m enough, aren’t I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal nods, feeling stupid and thoughtless for relying on something other than </span>
  <em>
    <span>Barry</span>
  </em>
  <span> for pleasure on a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mission</span>
  </em>
  <span> no less. What could he have been thinking?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should be glad I’m so forgiving.” Barry informs him, and Hal nods again, grateful beyond words that Barry is so understanding when anyone else wouldn’t be able to stand him, when everyone else has already abandoned him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Was this how he treated the one person who was still </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span> for him?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal flushed with shame, and tried to hide his face in Barry’s hands. Barry let him, giggling at his embarrassment in a way that only humiliated him further. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now, Hal. We’re going to complete our mission, aren’t we? No more being silly and stupid and getting distracted, right?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal nods, still hiding his face, and Barry rubs the back of his neck and urges him onward, yellow smile stretching over his face. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Hal nearly crumples, folding in on himself. The vastness of space offers no support, and he is beyond exhausted. He’s fought so hard… so long… would it be so terrible for the mission if he were to stop? For a while?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal stares at the retreating ship, knowing, </span>
  <em>
    <span>knowing</span>
  </em>
  <span> that he should attack, that there were secrets there he needed, but their weapons were so strong, and he was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>tired.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal closed his eyes and let himself float free, when someone grabbed his arms roughly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hal, get </span>
  <em>
    <span>up</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Barry’s demanding voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Barry, </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Hal pleads. “I’m so tired. I don’t… maybe the mission isn’t right. Maybe… I don’t know.. I just don’t want to right now. I don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, Barry!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That doesn’t matter,” and Barry’s eyes are hard and uncompassionate, nothing like Hal remembers them (he thinks, it’s so hard to tell what he remembers) and he shakes Hal roughly again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>mission</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Hal. You need to go, now.” Barry starts to drag him toward the retreating ship, and Hal almost sobs with the injustice of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to. Barry please. Let me stop. I want to stop.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. You can’t. You have a mission, you have to keep going.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry shoves him, and Hal drifts before coming to a stop. “But Barry… it feels like I’ve been worn too thin. It’s too much. I’m so tired… can’t I just take a break? For a while? With you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry crushes his fragile hope, eyes granite in the face of Hal’s pleas. “You know your mission. It’s important. You can’t just give up.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry grabs his neck, but there is no gentleness or support, only harsh strength, and the odd illusion of yellow flecks deep in Barry’s emerald eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was strange. Before, Barry had kept the yellow at bay. Now, it seemed strongest when Barry was with him, but he could never bear to push Barry away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please.” It’s broken, pleading, begging, inarticulate but it’s all Hal has to give.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t, I’ll leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you can’t do this, if you can’t stick to your mission, I’ll leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Barry retracts his hand, and Hal desperately wishes for it back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll leave and I won’t come back until you’ve properly made amends. Proved that you can still handle this mission.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal nearly chokes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Barry please! I’ll do it, I’ll do anything, just don’t leave! You can’t leave; please, please, you can’t leave me!” Hal stretches his hands out, desperate, but Barry hovers out of reach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll do it. Anything to make you happy. Don’t go. I’ll be good. I can still handle the mission, I promise. I can handle anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hal looks at Barry skittishly, as though he might disappear at any moment, but Barry only raises a challenging eyebrow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nodding desperately, Hal turns tail and rockets toward the ship, desperate to prove himself, to prove his mission. But he was so tired.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he slept, he would dream.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when he dreamed, Barry would morph into a horrible creature, sickly yellow with fangs a foot long and a long, hideous tail. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was best not to think about the dreams. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And when Hal had succeeded, and wavered and trembled in the air with the exhaustion of it, Barry put his arms around him and held him, and his smile was filled with yellow, jagged teeth.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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